Mon, 13 Aug 2007 00:46:44 GMT

Woo, so I went southend Today (I say today, It was yesterday but I haven’t gone bed yet, so), was pretty fun to say the least, I don’t get out the house much so it was a nice change.

I’ll list the people that went so it’s easier to refer to them later and who they went with.

Car 1:

Me – Sexy – 16 years old.

Darren – Cousin – 18 years old.

James – Brother – 22 years old.

Andrew – Uncle – 37 years old. (Old man! But fun)

Car 2:

Sarah – Auntie – 30 years old.

Nicky – Auntie – 27 years old.

Aaron – Cousin – 7 years old.

Car 3:

Daniel – Brother – 20 years old.

Natalie – Auntie’s Friend – 22 years old (She went school with James too I believe)

Dean – Auntie’s Friend - ?? Years old, beats me. Didn’t ask.

Dean’s Son - …His son? – 5 years old, I didn’t bother getting his name, woops.

But yeah, that was the setup when driving down there.

The drivers were Andrew, Daniel and Sarah.

But anyway, how the day went, well first of all Daniel woke me up at about 8:45am and was all “LOL BITCH GET OUT OF BED! WE HAVE TO LEAVE AT 9!”

Fuck sake boy, could have woken me up a bit earlier, I was up till 4am playing pokemon damn you.

So anyway I woke up, got changed (Didn’t have time to shower because a certain blonde forgot to wake me up, that and I’m lazy), washed and did my teeth. We left at 9 to head to my Auntie’s house.

Daniel has crashed his car twice, he’s only had it about 3 months, the first time he crashed into a lamp post in the middle of the day AND he wasn’t drunk (Hilarious, I know).

Then the second time he was backing out of the drive and crashed right into a car behind him, he drove away quickly, once again, fucking hilarious.

So me and James were quite worried for our lives and held onto the door handles for dear life when he was driving to my Auntie’s (I say auntie’s, it’s actually my Grandmothers)

But yeah we arrived about 9:10am and proceeded to laze around the house in the main room. Darren and Andrew were already there so we just chilled and chatted for a while.

Now we were meant to leave for Southend for about 9am, so by the time we arrived we were already running 10 minutes late, not a big deal.

I swear to god I don’t know why I put up with women sometimes, you and your darn makeup, both my Auntie’s and Natalie didn’t come down till bloody 10am to leave because they were prettying themselves up for a day down by the coast, women, what will we do with you eh? Cant take you anywhere.

By this point we finally left, but we had to pick up Aaron before we started to head off, so we had to head to my other Auntie’s house (Joanne) to pick her son up, this added another 20 minutes to our trip, but none of us minded, It wasn’t like we had a strict time schedule anyways. We finally picked Aaron up and set off to Southend!

But journeys can never be that easy, Andrew was low on petrol so about 5 minutes into the journey, we had to stop at the nearby Tesco to refuel, that wasn’t the worse part though, when leaving he decided to turn right instead of left, leading us into the car wash. Nice! He had to back up into cars trying to leave and make a quick break for the exit before anybody decided they wanted to shoot or stab us. Daniel was lol’ing it up at the exit waiting for us, holding up even more traffic, but we eventually got onto our road of freedom and the motorway.

On the way down the motorway we were watching Daniel in front of us, the idiot decided he wanted to pull into the middle lane (We were on the overtaking far right lane) whilst there were 2 cars pretty much touching, Andrew screamed “AHHH! DANIEL!” as we watched him pull into the small gap, almost causing a pile up on the M1. Nice one you blonde twat xD!

But the motorway fun didn’t end there, we proceeded to race each other, going a good 100+ mph, weaving in and out of traffic, shouting insults out the window as we went past, sticking our middle fingers up and showing them to my auntie (Who retaliated) as we overtook her. Darren accidentally thought another car was my auntie and swore at some random passer by, who wasn’t in the least pleased.

My uncle even taunted Sarah at one point by over taking her, whilst driving with his knees, unwrapping and eating a mint xD. Pretty funny.

We finished in second place, my auntie won and my brother managed to get lost behind the traffic somehow. We had finally arrived in the fun that is Chav-land. Sorry, Southend.

After arriving, we headed down to the coast, passing various shops and women in Bikini’s, in which me and my Uncle proceeded to oogle. (Can I get a fuck yeah for the thongs?).

One thing I did notice though about one girl, she was a fairly over-weight chick wearing a tight bikini (That to be fair, didn’t fit her, it was probably 2/3 sizes to small, so much so her ass crack (Sorry to be crude) was sticking out the top, it was pressing her skin so much that when she did take it off, it would probably leave a hell of a mark). I mean, honestly. Do these people look in the mirror and seriously think they look good when they go out in this stuff? That or they just plain don’t give a shit what people think of them. But the amount of cute girls made up for the ugly one. (No, I’m not shallow, it just wasn’t a pleasant sight in the situation, I’m sure she’s a lovely girl o.O)

Obviously, we had two little kiddies with us and up ahead was an amusement park which of course, attracted them. We couldn’t exactly be mean and say no to them so we went in and had a look around. Me, Darren, James and Andrew decided to all be boring old men and not bother going on any rides or attractions, we all thought the pub would be much funnier overall, but we stuck with the girls and kids just for the sake of it.

Then something horrible happened, something I’ll never forget until the day I die, when we were waiting to buy tickets, Darren pointed out a guy on the other side of the ticket buying area, he was old, hairy, slightly overweight and was wearing a tight pair of black Speedos. OH MY FUCKING EYES!

Dear god man, think about the children, do you really want to scare them at such a young age. All of us guys were like “o.O” and were pretty sickened by the whole thing, but when I pointed him out to Natalie, she pretty much stared and let go a big “LOL” at him. xD not discreet at all. By this point Daniel had run off somewhere to go “Smoke” because there was obviously a smoking ban put in place inside the park, so he pissed off somewhere, didn’t really see him for most of the day.

We proceeded to follow my Aunties around the park, after Daniel had returned to us after his “Smoking” session, Andrew decided to get some food, since the girls were more than happy to walk around the park, we decided we were all hungry and set off. We thought Daniel was coming with us, so halfway through the walk to find a Wimpy (because they’re the best, deny it and die) we realised Daniel either didn’t follow or we had lost him to the Chavs. But he’s old and ugly enough to look after himself so we let it slide and finally found the Wimpy we had long sought after. Yes!

We went inside, sat down at a table and decided what we wanted to eat (By this point, it was just Me, Darren, James and Andrew in the wimpy). Being real men; me and Andrew, when asked what drinks we wanted, went for the LARGE Pepsi’s, Darren and James pussied out and went for the medium. (Large was only 20p more, lol)

Me and Andrew got Cheese Burger Meal.

James got Cheese and Bacon Burger Meal.

Darren got a plain Hamburger Meal, Wimp.

The polish chick (I can only guess) who served us didn’t have a clue what we were talking about, when we tried ordering it took us a good 5 minutes to decide who was going to order first and when we finally did start, she couldn’t understand us, Way to go Wimpy xD (Darren even got the wrong meal, but he didn’t care, he was hungry).

I also think Andrew may have scared her a bit too when he was chanting “LARGE PEPSIIIIIIIIII” quite loud. I had a small girl behind me who proceeded to poke me, then when I finally did turn, she did that “I’m cute so you cant say anything to me because my mum will beat your ass” face, with a cheesy little grin” L

In any case, we finally received our meal and started to eat, Considering I hadn’t eaten anything since I had woken up, I finished the whole thing pretty quickly, I couldn’t finish the last of my burger though but James later stole it to eat. We were discussing how they poured the Pepsi into the glasses, and decided it was in fact a few dwarves behind the counter using a straw to suck it out of the case, before spitting it back out into the glass. How we came to that conclusion? Don’t ask me.

We were pretty stuffed from the food and headed on out; we proceeded to walk back to the park to meet up with my Aunties and brother. We saw an ice-cream parlour on the way back and me and Darren decided we wanted some.

I found this pretty funny overall,

When ordering, I asked for a large 99 flake, she proceeded to ask me what I wanted on it if anything, if this certain type of ice cream was okay, and when pouring it, gave me the biggest amount I’d ever seen, it was overflowing.

My cousin then stepped up and ordered the same, she didn’t bother asking him anything, gave him a shitty little one (Half the size of mine) and didn’t even say bye, I was already lol’ing by this point and this random old guy behind us pointed out she must have a crush on me, which proceeded with her blushing and walking off to the serve the other people on the other counter.

My reply to him was:

Me – Don’t blame her!

Him – Hahaha

Darren – Yeah? I Blame her fucking optician.

Me – You’re just jealous.

My uncle then robbed me of the £5 she had given me in change, that whore; it only left me with like £3. So I was poor! Boo hoo.

Nothing really special happened at this point, we went and met back up with my Aunties and walked around the beach for a bit (I saw the guy wearing the Speedos again, Fuck sake) until it started raining, so we ran to the family pub on the other side of the road, handy.

Once inside, they had all taken a seat and our little group (Andrew, Darren me and James) all went up to the counter, Andrew ordered most the drinks just leaving me, Darren and James to order.

Darren asked for a pint of Stella in which the woman took one look at him and said “ID boys”, He doesn’t look 18 at all. She was even going to ask my 22 year old brother for ID just for being with him, but he didn’t order anything so it was np, she also didn’t bother with me when I just said “Coke plix, lol”.

We all sat down and talked for a bit before, being typical women, all decided they wanted to go shopping.

I mean honestly, we come down to Southend for one day to see the beach and they want to go shopping? Something they can do in Harrow near us or some shit.

They dragged everybody along with them besides me, James and Andrew who stayed in the pub and chatted away, the lady who served us walked up to us where we were sitting, I half expected her to ID us again, but she instead asked if we wanted to make a donation to a charity, One for Breast Cancer I do believe.

I gave a pound to her, which followed in Andrew also giving her a pound. James? Nothing.

As the lady walked away I made the comment that she knows where James lives and is going to hunt him down for not donating, and cut his balls off, which proceeded in her turning around and saying to me, “Did you say something!?” and I was like “No, nothing” *grin*.

Made us laugh.

After about an hour of chatting we decided we had better meet up with Sarah and the like, so we rang them and arranged to meet outside of the Wimpy again, but being women, they cant keep time for anything, Darren came first, complaining they were being to slow so he decided to come meet us, we saw an arcade right next to Wimpy, so we thought, why not? And went inside.

When inside we walked around a bit and played some of them casino gambling games, I had changed £2 for 100 2p coins (as did Andrew and Darren) and we proceeded to play on various gambling games.

Me and Darren played the same game and both won a cheap little plastic toy each, his was a plane and mine was a dinosaur thing. The thing that was the most hilarious part was the fact his broke within 30 seconds of being won, so we were all laughing our asses off at his mis-fortune.

We played a Motorbike racing game (Which is blatantly rigged) and all proceeded to lose miserably, besides James who almost made it to the finish of the final lap, until Darren jumped onto the back of the Motor Bike and made James crash into a wall, causing him to lose XD.

Me and Andrew then played Air Hockey and we almost knocked each other out, we hit it so hard it actually flew off the table towards our faces, which we had to quickly duck to dodge. It was a first to 7 game, the final score was:

6 – 7

In which case I had lost, I managed to score the final point in my own goal. I wasn’t pleased to say the least.

I used my last pound to set up a game of Snooker, me and James played this time, he was kicking my ass at first, but we both managed to pot all of our balls and were both fighting after the black ball to win, in which case I luckily got it and won, but at the same time, got the white ball in at the same time. My uncle shouted FOUL! And claimed James won because of it, I call bullshitL.

By this time, the girls had finished shopping and eating, so we met at the beach and sat around there for a while until we decided it was time to leave (about 6:30pm) and headed back to the cars, but not before getting some sweets and Candy floss!

On the drive back, luckily, Me, James and Darren all had our Nintendo DS’s on us and proceeded to own it up on Mario Kart DS together.

We played Balloon battle (which consists of the players having 5 balloons in total, and you have to use various weapons to kill the player by destroying all of their balloons). I remained the unbeaten champion to a point where James and Darren both teamed up to take me down, they still failed as Darren lost his last life as he accidentally drove in front of a green shell James had just fired at me.

On our final game, James’ DS battery ran out, so we had to stop playing, nothing really happened besides that in the car, Me and Darren actually fell asleep for a majority of the Journey before making it home.

When we were home we all proceeded to watch (Besides Darren, who headed home) Hot Fuzz. I had already seen this about 6 times before, but each time, it’s still as hilarious as before.

That’s really it, it might rushed it near the end, but I wanted to wrap stuff up, I said the funniest stuff nearer the beginning anyway. But remember kids,

DON’T WEAR SPEEDOS; THEY’LL HAUNT OTHERS, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Yugito's Journal